Maine Phir Dance Kiya – Saturday night

We were at this party organized by and for the (South) Indians in Holland on the Diwali day. I don’t remember going to family functions/gatherings along with my parents. The few functions that I have managed to attend are predominantly my friends’ marriages. I stick to the tested format in those gatherings - go to the function, find your friends, stick to them, spend some time and bugger off. This way I can avoid situations where I have to attempt small talks with strangers. I hate small talks because I know very well that I am totally hopeless when it comes to socializing. After attending this party, I realized that I should stick to my old ways and refrain from experiments.

The pictionary they played sucked big time. I don’t understand why they play lotto in all their festival get-togethers. In between the events, a dude started explaining his school-day experiences. What he said was extremely shocking.

He said that he was not a bright student at schools and hence he used a pack of playing cards to remember lessons.
* Yeah. I heard it correct. A deck of playing cards. *
As he was fiddling with playing cards during classes, the teachers were very upset with him.
* Well, Naturally. The credibility of the teachers would be doubted if they are not upset by card-fiddling students. *
The school demanded him an explanation for his strange behaviour.
* Show me one school that demands an explanation from a primary school student for his lunatic behaviour. *
He called for a panel of mathematics teacher, geography teacher and a priest to present his explanation.
* Priest? Why on earth a priest?? *
The school accepted.
* Now, show me one school that agrees to form a panel of maths teacher, geography teacher and above all a priest just because a potential freak asked for it *
During the meeting with the panel, he demonstrated the Mathematics teacher how he used the deck of playing cards to study multiplication tables. He demonstrated the same to us.
* That was a crappy trick. It was like taking your hand around your head in order to touch your nose and ending up touching your eye. *
He demonstrated the Geography teacher how he used the numbered cards to remember Geography. 1 – One world, 2 – Two poles of earth. 3 – Three states of matter (What? Is that geography??) and so on.
* Oh my God! *
He then demonstrated the priest how he used the same cards to remember spirituality. 1 – One God, 2 – Dualism (Good and Evil), 3 – Trinity (the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit) and so on.
* Oh my holy son God!! *
The school was happy with his explanations and allowed him to use his cards in the classes.
* What the heck. Was the school happy with such moronic explanations? I want their license to be cancelled. *

That story could have easily found its way to Amar Chitra Katha or Pogo TV. But he said that it happened in his life. He should have spent his childhood watching too many B-grade children’s movies or reading too many children’s magazines or both. Some in the gathering even said that his experience was informative. I don’t know if they really meant it or said so just for the sake of courtesy. Informative? I certainly didn’t think so. I thought that he was either a greater freak than me or an ultra intellectual out of the scope of my feeble mind.

Soon most of the males in the group got drunk. I don’t know if they had actually planned to get drunk or if listening to the great card-story compelled them to get themselves drunk silly. They then did what drunken men generally do – dance. Tragically, they compelled us and made us dance with them. The kids danced along with their drunken dads. The wives sat there wondering if they have to drive their families back home after the party.

When it became dark, we had some fireworks. Just the sparklers. Not the noisy fire-crackers. We didn’t want to visit the jails of Holland by bursting fire-crackers. The highlight of the evening was the dinner. There were plenty of south Indian dishes to gobble upon. I had good Idlies after ages.

As in other gatherings, here too I faced the downside of remaining a bachelor. The sparklers were handed over to the kids. Their parents and grand parents held the sparklers. Women held the sparklers. Their husbands held the sparklers. But, nobody seemed to realize that the bachelors too would like to hold the sparklers. Very sad. These married people can be really insensitive at times. And then there were the usual comments:
“Come on bachelors. Dance”.
“Oh the bachelors. They shall take away the remaining food. Anyway we were going to throw them away...”.